The relationship you have with your father, will likely have a significant impact on your adult life. This topic affects many individuals and their relationships. We’ll explore what daddy issues are, their underlying causes, their effects on individuals, and most importantly, how to heal and grow from them.
What Are Daddy Issues?
Daddy issues are ongoing emotional problems that come from having a bad relationship with one’s father or a father figure or not having one at all. It is a term that has become weaponised and used against women. However, studies show that Daddy Issues can affect people of all genders. Daddy issues can show up in different ways and affect a person’s sense of self-worth, relationships, and general health.
The resulting emotional problems can show up in different ways.
The term “daddy issues” is thought to have come from Sigmund Freud’s concept of the “Father Complex”. Individuals with father complex, often have fragile relationships with their fathers or their father did not offer the level of closeness and/or love that they needed in order to excel. People who loose their father at a young age can also develop daddy issues.
What Causes It?
There are many things that can lead to daddy issues. One common cause is a father who is physically or emotionally absent because of things like divorce, work, or personal issues. A strained relationship can also be a reason. For example, the father may have been absent, mean, or hard to reach. It’s important to remember that daddy issues can also be caused by the death or abandonment of a father.
When adults have Daddy issues, it’s because they still need the understanding, love, support, and emotional validation they didn’t get as a child. These needs if not met can lead to bad choices in relationships as an adult.
Types Of Fathers That Cause Children To Develop Daddy Issues
There are many different kinds of dads and father figures who can cause trauma that lead to relationship problems as an adult. Let’s look more closely at six types of fathers who are likely to cause their kids to have daddy problems.
Fathers who overindulge children
These dads overindulge their children by excessively giving them gifts they didn’t earn. This may seem like a good thing but in reality, can have the opposite effect as this gives the child false ideas of what he or she should expect from relationships as an adult. Girls with fathers like this may grow up desiring much older men.
A girl with this kind of father might have misconstrued ideas about the person she will marry. She may also look for someone she thinks will be able to give her the luxurious life she’s used to.
Fathers who are emotionally unavailable
Fathers who are emotionally absent are usually fathers who often left the family due to working a lot, drugs and/or alcohol abuse or extra marital affairs. Fathers that are physically absent is likely to be emotionally absent. Children with fathers like this may grow up feeling alone and empty.
Fathers who are violent or abusive
The abusive father may hurt his girls or other family members by acting on impulse, getting angry, or not being able to control his behaviour when experiencing difficult feelings. Children whose fathers were mean to them as kids often have mental health problems as adults.
Fathers who are controlling and toxic
The controlling father wants to be too involved in every aspect of his child’s life, always trying to keep them from being upset. If you had this kind of father as a child, you might look for partners who are dominating and maybe even unconsciously expectating to be micromanaged.
Fathers who are physically dependent upon their children
If a child has to take care of his or her father’s basic needs every day, it can hurt their self-esteem as an adult. If a child has to take care of his or her father because he can’t take care of himself, they might be easy to control or used for money or sexual reasons.
Fathers with a tainted work ethic.
Men usually learn their work ethic from their fathers. Without a father to encourage sons to work harder, a boy may grow up with a fragile work ethic. Conversely, if a boy grows up seeing his father working excessively with little time to rest or time spent with family, he may grow up with an, 'all work and no play' mentality and replicate this unhealthy work ethic with his own family.
You’re possessive and clingy
If you have real daddy issues, you might feel too worried when your partner has to go somewhere. You may have an anxious attachment style if you always worry about being alone, which makes you act needy or protective. This can make you angry, suspicious, and always worried about whether or not your relationship is real. Possessiveness and clinginess can also mean that someone needs to be reassured all the time.
You demand an overabundance of love and assurance
When people don’t get the love and support they need as children, it can put too much stress on their relationships as adults. You may be looking for a person who can help you make up for what you didn’t do. You could compare yourself to other women your partner has been with in the past. You might suffocate your partner, feel unwanted, or even think you’ve been left when you haven’t.
You want sex all the time
Some women who had bad father-daughter ties as kids think that sex can make up for the love they didn’t get as kids. You might think that having regular or maybe too much sexual contact with your partner will make them love you more. You could also use sex to boost your self-esteem or feel good about yourself and what you’ve done.
You’re only interested in dating older men
This is the characteristic that most people think of when they hear the term “daddy issues.” If you grew up with a bad or absent father, you may subconsciously want to be with someone who can protect you and take care of you like your father should have. You might think that an older man can give you the love and/or security that you didn’t have as a child.
You’re afraid of being alone
People who go from one relationship to the next without getting close to anyone are often afraid of being alone. You might be afraid of being alone so much that you’d settle for any adult relationship, even if it’s cruel or unhealthy. Your relationships may be rough and end in a bad way, and you may find that you’re always looking for the next one with a lot of anxiety.
You repetitively choose to be with abusive men
Some women with daddy issues end up in abusive relationships after abusive relationships. This could be because your unconscious mind wants to fix a broken bond with your absent or messed up father. You might only like abusive or self-centered guys because they remind you of your dad, who you want to please so much.
Healing and Growth
Even though daddy issues can have a big effect, it’s important to know that you can get better and grow. Let’s look at some tactics and ways to deal with daddy issues:
Recognize and understand your daddy issues as a first step. Think about how they have affected your life and the people in it.
You might want to talk to a therapist or counselor who specialises in family issues and stress. They can give you tools to help you on your way to healing.
Do inner child healing tasks to get in touch with your younger self and give them the love, support, and validation they might not have gotten when they were growing up.
Learn to set boundaries in your relationships to keep yourself from getting hurt emotionally even more. Make it clear what you want and what you expect.
Build a network of friends, teachers, or support groups who can help you feel better and understand what you’re going through while you’re healing.
Self-care is when you put yourself first and do things that help your mental and physical health. This can be done through things like exercise, meditation, writing in a notebook, or doing hobbies that make you happy.
Work on forgiving your father or a person who represents your father for the mistakes they have made. Understand that forgiving someone doesn’t excuse what they did, but it does free you from the weight of anger and bitterness.
Daddy issues can be hard to deal with and have deep roots, but it is possible to grow and thrive if you recognise them and take steps to heal. Remember that you are not alone on this journey. With time and work, you can overcome the effects of daddy issues and create a healthier, more meaningful life.
It’s important to remember that everyone heals from daddy issues in their own way. Every person’s journey will be different, and everyone will heal at a different pace. Be kind to yourself and enjoy even the smallest steps forward.
Also, it’s important to break the cycle of daddy issues if you already have children or plan to have them in the future. By trying to get better and working on yourself, you can create a safe and supportive setting for your kids. This will help you and your kids have healthy relationships.
In the end, having daddy issues can have a big effect on a person’s self-esteem, relationships, and general health. By knowing the root causes and effects of daddy issues and committing to the healing process, people can overcome these problems and live a more fulfilling and powerful life.
Thank you for joining us today as we explored the topic of daddy issues. We hope this discussion has provided valuable insights and guidance. Remember, you have the power to heal, grow, and create the life you deserve. Please subscribe and leave a comment below if you have found this blog helpful. Stay strong, stay resilient, and keep moving forward.