A lot of people do not know how to talk about sad topics and in their attempt to help, they give false reassurance, like ‘everything will be okay’ or ‘everything happens for a reason’ to someone who had to give up work because of a difficult diagnosis with an uncertain outcome. Although toxic positivity is intended to help, it may come across as a lack of empathy as it shuts the other person down and makes you come across as difficult to connect with. You may have even been that person at one time or another. Toxic positivity is a type of unhelpful emotional regulation strategy that involves putting on a mask of happiness and pretending everything is okay, even when it's not. It is the ‘good vibes only’ blanket approach to life.
In this blog post, we will discuss what toxic positivity is, signs that you may be engaging in this type of thinking and why it isn't helpful. We will also provide tips on how to avoid toxic positivity, and offer a more balanced perspective on emotional regulation.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the excessive and persistent promotion of positive thinking and emotions, in the face of adversity or negative circumstances. It's a type of emotional suppression that can be harmful to our mental health. The idea behind toxic positivity is that if we just think positive thoughts, everything will work out in the end. This way of thinking can be harmful because it doesn't allow us to process our negative emotions, which can lead to problems down the road. It may also lead to you not responding sensitively and empathetically to those genuinely struggling due to emotional difficulties or problems they might be facing. It can make them feel like they have to put on a happy face all the time and not disclose their authentic emotions even when they're going through a tough time. This can cause them to feel alone in their struggles, potentially leading to self-harm or the deterioration of their mental health.
Signs of Toxic Positivity
There are several signs that you may be engaging in toxic positivity. If you find yourself doing any of the following, it may be time to take a step back and re-evaluate your thinking:
- You find yourself putting on a happy face all the time even when you're feeling down
- You try to avoid and block any negative emotion, both your own and others'
- You refuse to acknowledge that there is any negativity in the world
- You put pressure on yourself and others to be happy all the time
- You judge and shame other people for expressing painful emotions
- You tell people who express unhappy emotions that ‘happiness is a choice’
- You tell others to stop crying or make statements that disqualifies crying or the expression of negative emotions
- You ignore your problems rather than face them
Why is Toxic Positivity Harmful?
Toxic positivity is harmful because it doesn't allow us to process our negative emotions, which can lead to problems down the road. It can also be harmful to those around us, as it can make them feel like they have to put on a happy face all the time, even when they're going through a tough time.
- Shame and Suppressed Emotions
Shame is a common emotion that toxic positivity can lead to. When we suppress our negative emotions, they don't just disappear instead we implode. They often come out in other ways, such as through anger or self-destructive behaviors.
- Anxiety
Another common emotion that toxic positivity can lead to is anxiety. When we try to avoid negative emotions, they can build up inside of us until we reach a breaking point. This can lead to anxiety attacks or other forms of anxiety.
- Depression
Toxic positivity can also lead to depression. When we pretend that everything is okay, even when it's not, we are setting ourselves up for a fall. Eventually, the act of pretending to be happy all the time can become too much to handle, and we can spiral into depression.
How can you Avoid Toxic Positivity?
If you find yourself engaging in toxic positivity, there are several things you can do to avoid it:
- Acknowledge and name your genuine emotions, allow yourself to feel them and journal them
- Don’t try to suppress your emotions or the emotions of others
- Be honest with yourself and others about how you're feeling
- Don't put pressure on yourself or others to be happy all the time
- Accept that there is both positive and negative in the world
- Accept that all emotions including the ‘negative’ ones serve a purpose
- Listen to the message your emotions carry and problem solve the situation
- Express empathy when you see others struggling emotionally
- Negative emotions can cause further problems if not managed effectively. If you are really struggling, get professional help from a Psychotherapist, Counsellor, Psychologist or Psychiatrist and encourage those struggling to also get professional help
While toxic positivity can be harmful, it's important to remember that we all engage in this type of thinking from time to time. It also doesn’t mean that we have to act on all emotions at all times. We have been conditioned by society to hide our difficult emotions and only display positive emotions. The key is to be aware of it, give yourself permission to feel your feelings and learn more helpful ways to manage your emotions. With a more balanced perspective on emotional regulation, we can learn to manage our emotions better, take care of ourselves and our loved ones in a healthier way.
What are your thoughts on toxic positivity? Have you ever been guilty of this type of thinking? Let us know in the comments below
Author: Antoinette, Founder and Director of Tranquille Therapy